Trusting Your Inner Voice

Mental Health Tips

Aug 1

We all have our own unique voice.

We start out with just knowing what we know, feeling it on our gut, and speaking it out loud when we feel like it. This is what gives toddlers their delightful, and sometimes humbling, candor. But often our voice gets lost somewhere along the way. Sometimes it is unintentional and harmless. However, we can, and do, absorb the opinions, beliefs, and points of view of those we love around us. Sometimes it is harmful. Sometimes it is an intentional silencing of our voice. Someone tells us it is not OK to think or feel a certain way. Maybe they even insult the way we process events, create beliefs, and make decisions. Sometimes we silence or ignore our own voice and intuition so we can be accepted by a certain group or person. At some point, we realize we have lost, forgotten, or doubt what we want, believe, or feel.

Trusting yourself is about learning to listen to yourself.

It’s weeding through the brain babble, the judgmental or manipulative voices of others, the voices of doubt, fear, and shame. Searching through all of that to find where your feelings, wants, needs, and beliefs truly lie, which is a complex process. It’s not just about finding the “right way” to feel or think. We are allowed to have multiple opinions and feelings about the same thing at the same time. The point is that they are ours. Our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs will inevitably be shaped by our world, but in this exercise we get to decide how we are shaped by what we experience. We get to decide what to do with a piece of advice we received in a way that feels real and meaningful to us. The choice is yours, but its not so easy to put yourself in the driver’s seat. We tend to need to practice hearing, trusting, and valuing our own voice.

So how do we do it? Here are some practices to try:

Slow down and notice. Pause long enough to notice what thoughts, feelings, and urges you’re having. One of the biggest barriers to trusting ourselves is lack of awareness and therefore understanding of our inner experience. Allow the thoughts to happen as you observe them. Notice what is there rather than avoiding or ignoring thoughts, feelings, and urges. You will become aware, slowly but surely, of patterns in your thought processes. You will notice how you react to certain events and circumstances. You will also notice that not all of these reactions are trustworthy or beneficial for you. This seems to be the reason that people avoid spending time with their thoughts and feelings. Don’t lose heart! Keep practicing.
Evaluate what might be fueling these thoughts. Perhaps you can identify a voice from the past in there… maybe an old fear or insecurity, maybe the desire to break free from those shadows and beliefs. Move them around, reflect on them, offer a new perspective and new evidence to challenge the thoughts. Ask, “what is the purpose of this thought? Why is it here?” Label them. Observe. Naming thoughts can take a significant amount of their power away. *Note. This step could take some time. Often, we have to look in to our pasts to identify the reasons certain voices are present.*
Ask, “how does this thought feel in my body and does it fit the life I want?” Allow yourself to follow the pattern of thoughts in your mind and body. Notice how they feel and how you are reacting to them. Some will feel “appropriate” or “good,” but try to avoid these types of judgments. Be cautious of any “shoulds,” such as “That’s how I should feel” or “that’s what I should want to do.” This will help you better identify themes and patterns of thinking, which can help you determine which thoughts and feelings are useful. If it doesn’t feel “safe” or comfortable, remember that is ok. Growth comes from tolerable discomfort and our goal is to empower, hold space, offer self-compassion, and find strength.
Remember to maintain a self-compassionate lens. Using self-compassion is a practice of offering yourself kindness and courageously confronting pain and suffering. Building this skill will help you value your thoughts and feelings, rather than sitting in self-judgment, or even self-harm. If you can allow yourself to be self-compassionate, you will be building the foundation of trusting and believing yourself!
Repeat as often as needed! Just like building trust with others, it takes time and practice. Slowly, you will start to navigate your inner world more confidently. It will never be completely comfortable to dive into our inner worlds, but it will become easier as you learn to identify your strength and begin to trust yourself. The thoughts and feelings at your core will begin to become clear and welcomed in with compassion and respect.